Archives for February 2012

Bringing Honor Back

We can set boundaries and not be rude!

As we strive to set healthy boundaries in our lives and to reflect the character of Christ in all that we do, it’s important to understand what the Bible teaches us about HONOR. Pastor Chuck Angel recently completed a three-part series at Harvest Church in Fort Worth, Texas called: BRINGING HONOR BACK. All three messages are available online and well worth listening to.

Bringing Honor Back: Teaching People How To Act 
USA Today reported recently on the immediate and long term affect of social media on culture. One of their conclusions was that social media like blogs, facebook, twitter and even email and texting is contributing to the rapid degeneration of cultural courtesy. The article stated: “There is a coarsening of the culture b people who are now willing to say things to each other that a decade ago could not nor would not say in a face to face dialogue.” The report cited research revealing that feel increasingly comfortable in being direct, short and even rude with others. And the article concluded, “We are fast becoming a culture of dishonor.”

I think you’ll find Pastor Chuck’s advice invaluable regarding this important topic. Oh, and the opening rap music video was created by the talented Media Team at Harvest Church, featuring members and friends. Don’t miss it. And let me know what you think, okay? Of the series and the song.

God bless and keep you.

The Responsibility Buck Stops with Us

The Blessings of Boundaries

A parent in Ohio wrote, “Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children helps parents of adult children see their own part in their child’s struggles and makes it clear that until we parents change our bad habits of enabling our adult child, they will never grow up. That message alone made us sit up and take notice. The book also gives real life situations that those of us going through similar things can relate to. We also like the step-by-step plan for changing the bad habits with our child and setting boundaries with consequences. The Biblical and spiritual references give such hope for facing our heartbreaking situations. We highlighted many points and phrases that gave clarity to how we were enabling our child. We highly recommend this book to parents struggling with their adult child.” Carol Carpenter (Mount Vernon, OH)

Thank you, Carol. If there’s one thing that brings more of an “Ah Ha Moment” than anything else for folks struggling with challenging relationships with difficult people, adult children, or toxic parents, it’s when the light-bulb goes on and they suddenly realize that no matter how out-of-control things may seem, they can control the most important life-changing thing possible—how they respond to the choices difficult people make!

An Uncomfortable Truth

All of the books in my setting boundaries series explore an uncomfortable truth regarding setting boundaries not only with people you love, but also with people you must interact with during the course of your life: When it comes to changing our life, the “responsibility” buck stops with us.

If you’re struggling with difficult people, if you’re turned inside out and living from one crisis to the next in pain, fear, anger, or frustration because of the behavior and choices of others, there’s a strong probability that you’re making some poor choices yourself.

Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not blaming you for the problems you may be having with a difficult person. They may very well be off the mark and behaving in a reprehensible or inappropriate manner. But their actions, no matter how atrocious, do not dictate your response.

How you respond to them can make all the difference in the world.

When we identify the role we play in our relationships with difficult people we become empowered to make new choices that will bring freedom and forever change our lives.

Please share your “Ah-Ha Moment” with us in the comment section below.

Our Desperate Search Brought us SANITY at Last!

Prayer, Praise, Scripture, and SANITY Support


Dear Ms. Bottke: This is to thank you for writing Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children.  I discovered the book on, in a recent desperate search for help when my wife and I were in yet another crises situation with our adult son.  While severe and stressful to us, our situation pales in comparison to your personal experience, and the many heartbreaking examples in your book.

Still, with the newfound knowledge obtained from reading your book, the help of a very competent and caring counselor, and the support from each other, we managed our way through.  It wasn’t easy; but, as your book informs, it was necessary if we were going to stop stunting our son’s growth as an adult and take our own lives back.

There are many excellent points in your book.  For us, two key points led the list.  First, we needed to accept responsibility for our own actions by acknowledging the poor parenting decisions we had made, and apologize to our son for that, which we have done.  We started with your sample script (p.94) and made it our own in a letter to our son.  Second, we need to accept our son for who he is, while stopping our enabling behavior.  Again, that is not easy.  But, as you point out, our prayer is that in the course of our new journey, our son will find his way as well; and, that we all will live our lives in peace and happiness.

With the help of your book, our counselor, each other, and God – yes there was and continues to be a great deal of prayer – we have stopped our enabling behavior while, thankfully, maintaining a strong, loving relationship with our son. God bless you, L.D.

Thank you, LD for sharing your letter with us!

Has anyone else had a similar experience? As you walk the journey to set healthy boundaries and find SANITY, what are you thankful for on this Thankful Thursday? Please share your thoughts, including praise reports and prayer requests using the comment section below.


Join me as we lose 15,000 pounds in ONE MONTH!

Lose that Bus!


Harvest Church in Fort Worth Goal to Lose 15,000 pounds!


You may know that the next book in the Setting Boundaries series releasing this summer is: Setting Boundaries with Food. So it was with great interest when I learned of the campaign my own church family is about to launch. Wouldn’t it be exciting if churches all around the country–the world–could join us on this exciting journey?  Think about it, pray about it, and check out the You Tube video below.

Harvest Church in Fort Worth, Texas Aims to Lose 15,000 Pounds!

Know how much a school bus weighs?  15,000 pounds.  Did you know the average American is 17 pounds overweight?  How does all of this fit together?

YouTube Preview Image

Lose That Bus is a competition of teams challenging each other to see which team can lose the most weight during the month of February.  For every pound lost, each team will donate one pound of canned goods to our Food Pantry and local Tarrant County food banks.  Once we Lose That Bus, we’re going to Stuff That Bus with 15,000 pounds of donated canned goods and deliver them to the people who need them most.

So, want to get in on the fun?  Have a few extra pounds to lose?  Want to help feed needy families in the Fort Worth area?  Visit Harvest Church in Fort Worth this Sunday to see how you can join the team and make a real difference.

If you don’t live nearby, please consider sharing this Lose That Bus concept with your friends and church family and follow our progress here on my Setting Boundaries Books blog during the month of February and at the Harvest Church Lose That Bus website where you can get healthy tips, track your weight loss success, and see lots of cool and downright hilarious You Tube video clips on what promises to be an exciting month!

Setting healthy boundaries comes in all shapes and sizes!