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Bringing Honor Back

February 13, 2012 By Leave a Comment

We can set boundaries and not be rude!

As we strive to set healthy boundaries in our lives and to reflect the character of Christ in all that we do, it’s important to understand what the Bible teaches us about HONOR. Pastor Chuck Angel recently completed a three-part series at Harvest Church in Fort Worth, Texas called: BRINGING HONOR BACK. All three messages are available online and well worth listening to.

Bringing Honor Back: Teaching People How To Act 
USA Today reported recently on the immediate and long term affect of social media on culture. One of their conclusions was that social media like blogs, facebook, twitter and even email and texting is contributing to the rapid degeneration of cultural courtesy. The article stated: “There is a coarsening of the culture b people who are now willing to say things to each other that a decade ago could not nor would not say in a face to face dialogue.” The report cited research revealing that feel increasingly comfortable in being direct, short and even rude with others. And the article concluded, “We are fast becoming a culture of dishonor.”

I think you’ll find Pastor Chuck’s advice invaluable regarding this important topic. Oh, and the opening rap music video was created by the talented Media Team at Harvest Church, featuring members and friends. Don’t miss it. And let me know what you think, okay? Of the series and the song.

God bless and keep you.

Filed Under: Adult Children, Hope and SANITY from Allison, The Blessing of Boundaries, Wisdom & Resources

The Responsibility Buck Stops with Us

February 11, 2012 By Leave a Comment

The Blessings of Boundaries

A parent in Ohio wrote, “Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children helps parents of adult children see their own part in their child’s struggles and makes it clear that until we parents change our bad habits of enabling our adult child, they will never grow up. That message alone made us sit up and take notice. The book also gives real life situations that those of us going through similar things can relate to. We also like the step-by-step plan for changing the bad habits with our child and setting boundaries with consequences. The Biblical and spiritual references give such hope for facing our heartbreaking situations. We highlighted many points and phrases that gave clarity to how we were enabling our child. We highly recommend this book to parents struggling with their adult child.” Carol Carpenter (Mount Vernon, OH)

Thank you, Carol. If there’s one thing that brings more of an “Ah Ha Moment” than anything else for folks struggling with challenging relationships with difficult people, adult children, or toxic parents, it’s when the light-bulb goes on and they suddenly realize that no matter how out-of-control things may seem, they can control the most important life-changing thing possible—how they respond to the choices difficult people make!

An Uncomfortable Truth

All of the books in my setting boundaries series explore an uncomfortable truth regarding setting boundaries not only with people you love, but also with people you must interact with during the course of your life: When it comes to changing our life, the “responsibility” buck stops with us.

If you’re struggling with difficult people, if you’re turned inside out and living from one crisis to the next in pain, fear, anger, or frustration because of the behavior and choices of others, there’s a strong probability that you’re making some poor choices yourself.

Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not blaming you for the problems you may be having with a difficult person. They may very well be off the mark and behaving in a reprehensible or inappropriate manner. But their actions, no matter how atrocious, do not dictate your response.

How you respond to them can make all the difference in the world.

When we identify the role we play in our relationships with difficult people we become empowered to make new choices that will bring freedom and forever change our lives.

Please share your “Ah-Ha Moment” with us in the comment section below.

Filed Under: Adult Children, Blog, Difficult People, Enabling, The Blessing of Boundaries

Our Desperate Search Brought us SANITY at Last!

February 9, 2012 By 1 Comment

Prayer, Praise, Scripture, and SANITY Support

 

Dear Ms. Bottke: This is to thank you for writing Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children.  I discovered the book on Amazon.com, in a recent desperate search for help when my wife and I were in yet another crises situation with our adult son.  While severe and stressful to us, our situation pales in comparison to your personal experience, and the many heartbreaking examples in your book.

Still, with the newfound knowledge obtained from reading your book, the help of a very competent and caring counselor, and the support from each other, we managed our way through.  It wasn’t easy; but, as your book informs, it was necessary if we were going to stop stunting our son’s growth as an adult and take our own lives back.

There are many excellent points in your book.  For us, two key points led the list.  First, we needed to accept responsibility for our own actions by acknowledging the poor parenting decisions we had made, and apologize to our son for that, which we have done.  We started with your sample script (p.94) and made it our own in a letter to our son.  Second, we need to accept our son for who he is, while stopping our enabling behavior.  Again, that is not easy.  But, as you point out, our prayer is that in the course of our new journey, our son will find his way as well; and, that we all will live our lives in peace and happiness.

With the help of your book, our counselor, each other, and God – yes there was and continues to be a great deal of prayer – we have stopped our enabling behavior while, thankfully, maintaining a strong, loving relationship with our son. God bless you, L.D.

Thank you, LD for sharing your letter with us!

Has anyone else had a similar experience? As you walk the journey to set healthy boundaries and find SANITY, what are you thankful for on this Thankful Thursday? Please share your thoughts, including praise reports and prayer requests using the comment section below.

 

Filed Under: Adult Children, Blog, Enabling

Can Something Good Come from an Adult Child’s Drug Addiction?

January 28, 2012 By 2 Comments

The Blessings of Boundaries

My husband and I were in a 12-week SANITY Support group, and it made quite a difference in our lives. At the first meeting I started to have a glimmer of hope, first time in years of watching and enabling my son as he continued to struggle with addiction and bad behavior. Not always easy or steady, though. At about the 5th meeting, things in our home got quite a bit worse…

But we leaned on others in the group as they shared stories that were so similar to ours. Evidently there are a lot of us sharing this agony, and it breaks it down as we share each others’ burdens and lift each other up in prayer.

A huge blessing in this, also, was that my husband has now been in a real church, something I had never thought would happen… Such evidence of God’s love and grace… to take something as awful as a child’s addiction and use it for some good!

Thank you for hosting this at the church, giving us a place to learn about the program and to support each other. – D.

Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children and finding SANITY Support

 

A Note from Allison

The 12-week SANITY Support Group program is being revised to an 8-week program. Please contact me if you would like to host an 8-week program in your home or church.

My son turned 40 this past year and is drug-free and living in his own apartment. Is everything always hunky-dory and peachy-keen? Hardly. Has the journey to setting boundaries suddenly become this smooth ride to joy, hope, and peace?

I wish.

But I will tell you this…without applying the Six Steps to SANITY each and every day I would not have made it this far.

The cry of my heart is to help every parent or grandparent who feels the anguish of watching someone they love self-destruct with drugs or alcohol….

Filed Under: Adult Children, Blog, Enabling, The Blessing of Boundaries Tagged With: , ,

Join Allison in Fort Worth for Free SANITY Support Info Meeting on Sat. Jan 28

January 18, 2012 By 2 Comments

Join me at Harvest Church in Fort Worth on Saturday, January 28 from 10:00 – 11:00 AM.

Are you a parent who keeps trying to pick up the pieces of your adult child’s out of control life? Is the never-ending stream of drama, chaos, and crisis tearing you and your family apart? Have you ever said the words, “I can’t take this anymore?” If so, you are not alone in your struggle.

Parents around the world are finding hope, healing, and freedom as they participate in SANITY Support groups and begin to set healthy boundaries with their adult children.

If you live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area join bestselling author and SANITY Support founderAllison Bottke and Bernis Riley, Founder of  the SoulCare Counseling Center, LIVE for a 60-min FREE information session on Saturday, January 28 from 10-11:00 AM at Harvest Churxch in Fort Worth to find out more about the program that is changing lives around the world.

REGISTER NOW FOR THIS FREE EVENT!

Filed Under: Adult Children, Enabling, Hope and SANITY from Allison

What the New! SANITY Support Blog is All About

January 14, 2012 By 4 Comments

SettingBoundariesBooks.com

What the SANITY Support Blog is All About

As the author of the Setting Boundaries ™ book series, a day seldom goes by when I don’t hear from someone who has read one of my books or has heard me interviewed on a radio talk show or television program.

 Folks contact me for several reasons:

  • To share their Setting Boundaries success stories
  • To learn more about the 6-Steps to SANITY, or about setting boundaries in general
  • To ask my advice in dealing with their challenging adult children, difficult people, or toxic parents
  • To inquire about starting a SANITY Support group in their home, church, or community
  • To find out where they can get my books
  • Because someone referred them to my books, website, or blog
  • To cry out for help in desperate situations concerning their adult sons, daughters, and/or grandchildren

Why have you stopped by today?

It’s exciting to hear from readers who have found SANITY and are experiencing life-changing transformation in their relationships. On the other hand, it’s often heart breaking to hear from so many people who have reached the end of their rope and are crying out for help—especially concerning relationships with their adult children.

I want to hug each one of you and let you know that you’re not alone.

  • If you are searching for hope and healing today, my prayer is that you will find it when you find SANITY Support, and that you’ll allow me and our growing blogging community to help on your journey.
  • If you know someone who desperately needs to set healthy boundaries and are looking for resources to share with them, God bless you for caring.

Who will find the SANITY Support blog helpful?

1. Parents and Grandparents who have challenging relationships w/ adult children

2. Adult children who have challenging relationships w/ toxic parents

3. Anyone who has challenging relationships with difficult people

4. Men and women readers who desire to set healthy boundaries and live a more sane life

5. Anyone living with the insanity of drama, chaos, crisis, and stress because of the poor choices someone else is making (i.e. drugs, alcohol, unemployment, crime, etc.)

6. People who have weight issues and need to set boundaries w/ food

7. Anyone who has had or is considering WLS (weight loss surgery)

8. Stressed out people looking for hope, healing and SANITY

God will always make a way when there seems to be no way, and it’s no accident you are reading this now. Stay strong, faithful and focused as you travel the journey to set healthy boundaries and find SANITY in your life.

You’ll often hear me say that the choices we make can change the story of our life.

Some of the boundary setting choices we face will be life changing. Yet it’s not just about the monumental choices we make that dramatically change the course of our life, but the individual choices we make in the everyday moments of life as well. Combined they make us who we are, a rich tapestry of experience woven together with choice.

Thank you for making the choice to visit my blog and I hope you’ll make the choice to return and participate in our community by sharing your thoughts, feelings, opinions, and insight via the comment sections after each posting. Please subscribe to the RSS blog feed on the right side of your screen, and feel free to share this link with friends and family.

What primary issues will the SANITY Support blog address?

The enabling of adult children is an epidemic issue in our society. Parents and grandparents around the country are dealing with situations that range from adult kids who simply cannot “launch,” to adult kids who are addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, have been in and out of rehabilitation centers, jail, and/or prison, and whose lives create an ongoing source of drama, chaos and crisis for the entire family.

Typically, these parents and grandparents have reached the end of their rope emotionally, financially, and spiritually, and are in desperate need of “sanity” in an “insane situation.” They are looking for guidance and reassurance to make choices that will change their lives (and hopefully the lives of their loved ones).

However, it’s not just about setting boundaries with adult children. More and more people are finding increasing challenges in their relationships with “Difficult People.” This could be a spouse or ex-spouse, siblings or other relatives, in-laws, neighbors, bosses and co-workers, church members, and the list goes on.

Setting boundaries and finding SANITY is quite literally for everyone who wants healthier and happier relationships.

Once again, welcome to the SANITY Support blog, I look forward to communicating with you as we strive to set healthy boundaries in all of our relationships and bring glory and honor to God.

Blessings and God’s peace,

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Adult Children, Blog, Difficult People, Enabling, Food/Weight, Hope and SANITY from Allison Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

SANITY Support Blog Launched – Welcome from Author Allison Bottke

January 6, 2012 By 4 Comments

Welcome to the NEW Setting Boundaries Books Website and the SANITY Support Blog

Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children and finding SANITY Support

Welcome to the first “official” post on the new SANITY Support blog!

After a great deal of prayer and planning, I’m excited to announce the launch of the brand new Setting Boundaries Books website and blog, designed to communicate with readers and help spread the message of SANITY. In addition to sharing my perspective on boundaries, I’ll be posting a lot of content directly from the hundreds of email letters I’ve received, and I hope you’ll join me in sharing your thoughts, feelings, insight, and opinions about this hot-button topic of setting boundaries. We’ll build our SANITY Support community via the comment section at the end of every post.

You can subscribe to the RSS feed for my blog at the right side of this page so you won’t miss a thing!

Many of you know that it’s been a season of changes and challenges in my life these past few years. I’m not going to belabor you with all the details of my journey since I moved to Texas from Minnesota back in August of 2007, but suffice it to say that life today is nothing like I expected it to be. But hey, whose life hasn’t been changing and challenging? It seems virtually everyone I know has been going through some type of significant trial or tribulation, can you relate? Does it seem that way to you as well?

Issues concerning the economy, jobs, and financial security (or insecurity in many instances) abound. Our relationships are being tested tremendously, and in many cases our emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual health has been compromised.

And then there’s the growing concern about our adult children…and grandchildren…or about other difficult people in our lives. It seems everywhere we turn we are being faced with boundary-setting choices.

Join me in making 2012 the year that SANITY makes a comeback in our lives!

 

Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children and finding SANITY Support

Allison and Chris on Christmas Day, 2011 at church!

The photo above was taken two weeks ago on Christmas Day when my son and I attended church together. Many of you have read about Chris in the first book in the Setting Boundaries™ series, Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children-Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents, a book that was born from years of painful valley experiences. This past year I’ve seen Chris continue to stay drug-free, complete his 18-month parole, and move into his own apartment this past October. Setting healthy boundaries with our adult kids does not mean we give up on them! It means we change the way we respond to their choices. It means we find SANITY and take back our own lives. It means we learn to love our adult children with open arms.

I’m excited to see what God is going to do as we begin to build a community of readers who will support, encourage, and empower one another on the journey to set healthy boundaries and find SANITY!

Thousands of people around the world have embraced the Six Steps to SANITY. You can read some of their true story testimonials here.

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Books by Allison Bottke

If you’ve read any of the books I’ve written in the Setting Boundaries ™ series from Harvest House Publishers over the past several years, you already know quite a bit about me. Even more so if we go back to the days I was writing and editing books in my God Allows U-Turns anthology. However, if this is our first meeting you can read more about me and the books I’ve written by clicking on my photo below, there’s also a You Tube video clip from my interview on the 700 Club that encapsulates my testimony.

But reading about me isn’t About Allison Bottkewhat this new blog is all about.

SANITY is Making a Comeback!

The issue of setting healthy boundaries touches every one of us every single day of our lives.

We all struggle at one time or another with challenging relationships that have weak or non-existent boundaries at their roots, and we can all use the Six Steps to SANITY to find hope, healing, and freedom in any of those relationships.

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SANITY is possible, and I want to help you find it!

I just finished writing the 4th book in the series; Setting Boundaries with Food, talk about a challenging relationship! Who doesn’t struggle with what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat, and why the heck are we eating again?

Setting Boundaries with Food will release this summer, and we’ll be talking more about this topic and about weight every Wednesday here on the SANITY Support blog. Make sure to check out the mind-boggling before and after photos of Beverly Eden our VIP guest blogger! My before and after photos are also online, did you know that I lost 120 pounds?

JOIN ME IN FORT WORTH ON SATURDAY, JANUARY 28!

If you’re in the DFW area of Texas we’ll be starting three SANITY Support groups in February! Come say hello to me in Fort Worth at a FREE informational meeting on Saturday, January 28!

In closing, what is your setting boundaries story? I’d love to hear what you think and feel about this topic, and what you’d like to see on the SANITY Support blog. Please introduce yourself and share your opinions and insight in the comment section below.

God bless and keep you,

Allison

 

Filed Under: Adult Children, Blog, Difficult People, Food/Weight, Hope and SANITY from Allison Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,