Comments for Setting Boundaries Books http://www.settingboundariesbooks.com Finding sanity support in dysfunctional relationships Mon, 20 Feb 2012 13:27:26 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Comment on Join me as we lose 15,000 pounds in ONE MONTH! by Ardith Quast http://www.settingboundariesbooks.com/2012/02/lose-that-bus/#comment-31 Ardith Quast Mon, 20 Feb 2012 13:27:26 +0000 http://www.settingboundariesbooks.com/?p=1301#comment-31 Hi Allison, My husband and I have read your book Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children. We have a son who has had addiction issues for over 13 years. We would like to start a Sanity Support Group in our neighborhood. Can you tell us how we can get the necessary materials to do this? Also, do you have any information on Adult children who have been diagnosed as Bipolar as our son has. Communication with him is always a challegene. Thank You for your great book! Hi Allison, My husband and I have read your book Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children. We have a son who has had addiction issues for over 13 years. We would like to start a Sanity Support Group in our neighborhood. Can you tell us how we can get the necessary materials to do this? Also, do you have any information on Adult children who have been diagnosed as Bipolar as our son has. Communication with him is always a challegene. Thank You for your great book!

]]> Comment on Our Desperate Search Brought us SANITY at Last! by Melody Brown http://www.settingboundariesbooks.com/2012/02/our-desperate-search-brought-us-sanity-at-last/#comment-30 Melody Brown Fri, 10 Feb 2012 23:25:29 +0000 http://settingboundariesbooks.com/?p=808#comment-30 I was wondering if there were any support groups in Albuquerque, NM. I have a 15 year old sister who is going through a tough time. She's the baby of the family with a 23 year old brother. Who happens to be the "adult child". Its been a year that he's lived back at home. Its gotten frustrating for her. I have also spoken to Focus on the Family who told me that her feelings are not wrong. We were just looking for some support. We are believers and therefore know what Christ wants, but its hard to aid our parents when they continue to enable him! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!! Sincerely, Melody I was wondering if there were any support groups in Albuquerque, NM. I have a 15 year old sister who is going through a tough time. She’s the baby of the family with a 23 year old brother. Who happens to be the “adult child”. Its been a year that he’s lived back at home. Its gotten frustrating for her. I have also spoken to Focus on the Family who told me that her feelings are not wrong. We were just looking for some support. We are believers and therefore know what Christ wants, but its hard to aid our parents when they continue to enable him! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

Sincerely, Melody

]]> Comment on Can Something Good Come from an Adult Child’s Drug Addiction? by Allison Bottke http://www.settingboundariesbooks.com/2012/01/sanity-is-possible/#comment-28 Allison Bottke Fri, 03 Feb 2012 18:31:42 +0000 http://settingboundariesbooks.com/?p=715#comment-28 We'll have materials available soon....sorry for the delay. Im revising the 12 week program to make it an 8-week program, will have PDF's on how to get started available later this month, promise! Please stop back. We’ll have materials available soon….sorry for the delay. Im revising the 12 week program to make it an 8-week program, will have PDF’s on how to get started available later this month, promise! Please stop back.

]]> Comment on Can Something Good Come from an Adult Child’s Drug Addiction? by Pam Lee http://www.settingboundariesbooks.com/2012/01/sanity-is-possible/#comment-27 Pam Lee Wed, 01 Feb 2012 04:53:01 +0000 http://settingboundariesbooks.com/?p=715#comment-27 Hi, I am on my second time around reading "Setting Boundaries with your adult children". I read about the SANITY support groups and wanted to check out possibly starting a group in my home. Your website under "how to start a SANITY group" it states you can download in PDF form the material for the support leader. I have been unable to find this material. At this point, I am just wanting to check it out and see if this is something I should do. Can you direct me as to where on your website the leader material can be found? Thank you! Hi, I am on my second time around reading “Setting Boundaries with your adult children”. I read about the SANITY support groups and wanted to check out possibly starting a group in my home. Your website under “how to start a SANITY group” it states you can download in PDF form the material for the support leader. I have been unable to find this material. At this point, I am just wanting to check it out and see if this is something I should do. Can you direct me as to where on your website the leader material can be found?

Thank you!

]]> Comment on What the New! SANITY Support Blog is All About by Allison Bottke http://www.settingboundariesbooks.com/2012/01/sanity-support-to-help-you-set-healthy-boundaries/#comment-26 Allison Bottke Tue, 31 Jan 2012 18:23:53 +0000 http://settingboundariesbooks.com/?p=796#comment-26 Jean, my heart aches for you and for all of my brothers and sisters who struggle with painful relationships with our own children. My apologies for not understanding that Donna's comment was specifically addressing your comment. Deciding to stop the insanity of living on the gerbil wheel of fear and bondage is the first step in finding SANITY. The "S" in STOP is...Stop our own usual responses, Stop the flow of money, and Stop the insanity. You said your son "doesn't get it yet," and the truth is he may NEVER get it...but he doesn't have to. We can only change ourselves and how we respond to the people God places in our lives. You will remain in bondage forever if setting healthy boundaries makes you fear for your safety. This is an issue that must be addressed immediately and I encourage you to locate a licensed Christian Counselor in your area as soon as possible to talk about this, and about your legal options to protect yourself. In the mean time, I encourage you to sit down with your Bible, take a deep breath, and open it and start by reading Psalm 34 in it's entirety. The Lord hears our cries, Jean, and He knows what we are feeling. Seeking wisdom and discernment for how to respond in difficult situations such as you are facing can only be done with God's help, guidance and wisdom. I'll be praying for you to find comfort and direction in His Word. Please stay in touch with us. And if there are others out there who can encourage and support Jean, please post your comment below. Jean, my heart aches for you and for all of my brothers and sisters who struggle with painful relationships with our own children. My apologies for not understanding that Donna’s comment was specifically addressing your comment. Deciding to stop the insanity of living on the gerbil wheel of fear and bondage is the first step in finding SANITY. The “S” in STOP is…Stop our own usual responses, Stop the flow of money, and Stop the insanity. You said your son “doesn’t get it yet,” and the truth is he may NEVER get it…but he doesn’t have to. We can only change ourselves and how we respond to the people God places in our lives.

You will remain in bondage forever if setting healthy boundaries makes you fear for your safety. This is an issue that must be addressed immediately and I encourage you to locate a licensed Christian Counselor in your area as soon as possible to talk about this, and about your legal options to protect yourself.

In the mean time, I encourage you to sit down with your Bible, take a deep breath, and open it and start by reading Psalm 34 in it’s entirety. The Lord hears our cries, Jean, and He knows what we are feeling. Seeking wisdom and discernment for how to respond in difficult situations such as you are facing can only be done with God’s help, guidance and wisdom. I’ll be praying for you to find comfort and direction in His Word. Please stay in touch with us.

And if there are others out there who can encourage and support Jean, please post your comment below.

]]> Comment on What the New! SANITY Support Blog is All About by Allison Bottke http://www.settingboundariesbooks.com/2012/01/sanity-support-to-help-you-set-healthy-boundaries/#comment-25 Allison Bottke Tue, 31 Jan 2012 17:56:43 +0000 http://settingboundariesbooks.com/?p=796#comment-25 Great advice, Gloria! I agree with you 100%, When we spend year-after-year-after-year involved in the drama, chaos and crisis that revolves around challenging relationships where boundaries are weak or non-existent, (especially with adult children) we can often lose ourselves in the process. Our happiness does give God glory, and it's important to remember that. Thanks for sharing this encouraging message. Great advice, Gloria! I agree with you 100%, When we spend year-after-year-after-year involved in the drama, chaos and crisis that revolves around challenging relationships where boundaries are weak or non-existent, (especially with adult children) we can often lose ourselves in the process. Our happiness does give God glory, and it’s important to remember that. Thanks for sharing this encouraging message.

]]> Comment on What the New! SANITY Support Blog is All About by donna waldorf http://www.settingboundariesbooks.com/2012/01/sanity-support-to-help-you-set-healthy-boundaries/#comment-24 donna waldorf Sun, 29 Jan 2012 18:00:46 +0000 http://settingboundariesbooks.com/?p=796#comment-24 Get a friend and trust that you deserve one. Do not let the "pain over" your son be the purpose of that friendship; yet do not live in denial and avoid it. Your happiness gives God glory; be happy despite the attempt of the devil to thwart it. Recognize that the battle is won already! Our God reigns and when you ask him to forgive you for making this situation your "whole and all", my quotes, then you will recieve the gift of love He has just for you. You will always live in fear if you choose to do so. Get a friend and trust that you deserve one. Do not let the “pain over” your son be the purpose of that friendship; yet do not live in denial and avoid it. Your happiness gives God glory; be happy despite the attempt of the devil to thwart it. Recognize that the battle is won already! Our God reigns and when you ask him to forgive you for making this situation your “whole and all”, my quotes, then you will recieve the gift of love He has just for you.

You will always live in fear if you choose to do so.

]]> Comment on What the New! SANITY Support Blog is All About by Jean http://www.settingboundariesbooks.com/2012/01/sanity-support-to-help-you-set-healthy-boundaries/#comment-22 Jean Sat, 21 Jan 2012 21:51:06 +0000 http://settingboundariesbooks.com/?p=796#comment-22 I am reading your book Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children. Your story is so very close to my story. It is heartrending to even read about it because it hurts so much! I am at the point in my life where I am just beginning to stop the enabling but my son just does not get it yet. I am afraid not only for him but of him. I am concerned he may retaliate. I am currently raising my 8 yr old grand daughter (not his child) and my main concern is for her safety. I am married 25 yrs now. My husband is my son's step-father. My son is my only child but when I married my husband he had two very young daughers from a previous marriage. I loved them like a mother loves a daughter. My grand daughter is the child of one of the step daughters. That's another story of it's own. What advice do you give to someone who is afraid of their own son? He is now 36 yrs old. I have been going through this nightmare since he was 13 yrs old.. In and out of facilities, prisons, both local and state, rehabs, mental,you name it. My husband is not afraid but we have no way to defend ourselves so I sleep with my cell phone and keys close to me in case of emergency. I don't think I can put a PFA on him because he has not threatened me, but I am very leary of him because of he has a history of violence in the past toward his father who is now deceased. I am a christian and go to church but I have no real friends and when I do make friends we always go our separate ways. Most of the friends I had could not keep up with my pain over my son so I am basically a loner. Even my husband is someone I can not talk to because it always turns into an argument. Thanks for listening. I am reading your book Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children. Your story is so very close to my story. It is heartrending to even read about it because it hurts so much! I am at the point in my life where I am just beginning to stop the enabling but my son just does not get it yet. I am afraid not only for him but of him. I am concerned he may retaliate. I am currently raising my 8 yr old grand daughter (not his child) and my main concern is for her safety. I am married 25 yrs now. My husband is my son’s step-father. My son is my only child but when I married my husband he had two very young daughers from a previous marriage. I loved them like a mother loves a daughter. My grand daughter is the child of one of the step daughters. That’s another story of it’s own. What advice do you give to someone who is afraid of their own son? He is now 36 yrs old. I have been going through this nightmare since he was 13 yrs old.. In and out of facilities, prisons, both local and state, rehabs, mental,you name it. My husband is not afraid but we have no way to defend ourselves so I sleep with my cell phone and keys close to me in case of emergency. I don’t think I can put a PFA on him because he has not threatened me, but I am very leary of him because of he has a history of violence in the past toward his father who is now deceased. I am a christian and go to church but I have no real friends and when I do make friends we always go our separate ways. Most of the friends I had could not keep up with my pain over my son so I am basically a loner. Even my husband is someone I can not talk to because it always turns into an argument. Thanks for listening.

]]> Comment on SANITY Support Blog Launched – Welcome from Author Allison Bottke by Allison Bottke http://www.settingboundariesbooks.com/2012/01/sanity-support-blog-launched-welcome-from-author-allison-bottke/#comment-21 Allison Bottke Thu, 19 Jan 2012 23:29:32 +0000 http://settingboundariesbooks.com/?p=765#comment-21 How well I know the feeling of fear...and it's a real and present danger when we have kids who make choices that put them behind bars..... When I made the choice NOT to bail Chris out of jail he found someone who would...and then he also made the choice to attend his sentencing hearing on his own which resulted in almost 5-years behind bars. All of this contributed to his growing realization that it was his choices, and not mine, that he needed to accept the consequences for. I'm praying for you to find peace of mind in how you should respond. Remember that love is not spelled M-O-N-E-Y, and if you don't feel at peace in bailing him out that doesn't mean you don't love him. Remember how God used Paul (Saul) to change the lives of so many people, but he first had to walk a painful and dangerous Damascus road before that could happen. While Paul's mother may have been gripped with fear at the choices he was making, does the Bible tell us that she swooped in to protect him from walking that road? I'm praying you will find SANITY in this insane situation of life. That you will know how much God loves you AND your son. How well I know the feeling of fear…and it’s a real and present danger when we have kids who make choices that put them behind bars…..

When I made the choice NOT to bail Chris out of jail he found someone who would…and then he also made the choice to attend his sentencing hearing on his own which resulted in almost 5-years behind bars. All of this contributed to his growing realization that it was his choices, and not mine, that he needed to accept the consequences for.

I’m praying for you to find peace of mind in how you should respond. Remember that love is not spelled M-O-N-E-Y, and if you don’t feel at peace in bailing him out that doesn’t mean you don’t love him.

Remember how God used Paul (Saul) to change the lives of so many people, but he first had to walk a painful and dangerous Damascus road before that could happen.

While Paul’s mother may have been gripped with fear at the choices he was making, does the Bible tell us that she swooped in to protect him from walking that road?

I’m praying you will find SANITY in this insane situation of life. That you will know how much God loves you AND your son.

]]> Comment on SANITY Support Blog Launched – Welcome from Author Allison Bottke by Melinda Long http://www.settingboundariesbooks.com/2012/01/sanity-support-blog-launched-welcome-from-author-allison-bottke/#comment-20 Melinda Long Thu, 19 Jan 2012 10:54:58 +0000 http://settingboundariesbooks.com/?p=765#comment-20 Thank you for replying. No he wants me to bond him out of jail, he says his lawyer is not doing his job and he cant fight from in there. Bond is 500.00. I have it but it would be a hardship. He has been in jail several times and I have bailed him out a few of those times. I wish I could hear God clearly as to whether this is a ploy or not. He says he has been reading his bible and that he has honestly changed, but he has used the "God card" before. I am under a lot of fear this night about telling him no and I do not know where this fear is coming from. Please if anyone is on here this morning, please pray for me. I need peace, clarity and a clear answer. I have learned so much reading the book about adult children, also one called "Who's pulling your strings" and another called "The emotionally destructive relationship" yet I have this gripping fear of telling him no. I want to do whats best for both of us without him feeling like he is abandoned and alone. Thank you for replying. No he wants me to bond him out of jail, he says his lawyer is not doing his job and he cant fight from in there. Bond is 500.00. I have it but it would be a hardship. He has been in jail several times and I have bailed him out a few of those times. I wish I could hear God clearly as to whether this is a ploy or not. He says he has been reading his bible and that he has honestly changed, but he has used the “God card” before. I am under a lot of fear this night about telling him no and I do not know where this fear is coming from.
Please if anyone is on here this morning, please pray for me. I need peace, clarity and a clear answer. I have learned so much reading the book about adult children, also one called “Who’s pulling your strings” and another called “The emotionally destructive relationship” yet I have this gripping fear of telling him no. I want to do whats best for both of us without him feeling like he is abandoned and alone.

]]>